Meet my friend Willie Eckerslike. He used to be a right raver. He was an ace footballer with lovely big thighs (OOooh) and a good head of hair to wow the chicks. Willie were a reet cracker!
Now his daily excercise is pressing the buttons on the little black box for t'telly, it fer wears him out. He watches so much tv that his eyes are the shapes of screens. "Gerrus a cuppa chuck" he sometimes shouts to his wife. He's a happy man with Sky tv for sport and scones in the afternoon, and the sport pages to read when th'adverts are on. What more could a man want.
This is based on a true story only the name has been changed to protect the innocent!