KENNY ECKERSLYKE

Andy Murray has just become no. 2 in the world, but not for long, according to Kenny, who is the cousin of the Eckerslyke brothers Diddy, Willie and Woody.  He were good at running at school (running away from homework) he were good at football and he tells folk he were asked to play for Manchester United (Dya believe that!!!). He thinks he is the best tennis player in the land.  He plays for Th' Heckmondyke Club, and has entered fer Wimbledon.  He is so convinced he has the skill ta slaughter Andy Murray.

Well do you think he can - Kenny Eckerslyke!!!

However, he is an award winning Clog Dancer and he sparks clogs for the St Vitus Dancers.

(If you want to read all about his cousins then click on the label for 'friends of mine')

Also, over Easter I asked for people to Challenge me, to give me subjects to paint over the Easter Break.  If you have a look in a couple of days you will see them on my other blog pollyswatercolours.  It was great fun.

WOODY ECKERSLYKE

Woody, is brother to Willie and Diddy Eckerslyke.  Willie is high up, Diddy is low down, and Woody is medium sized. He is a reet good friend of the world reknown artist and legend Sue Clinker.  Honest he is?

Down deep in the woods Woody would wend away his days painting tall trembling trees, until, one day, out of the blue, he upped his easel and changed his style and began bare body painting.

You see a fulsome figure of wonder, a stunning sex bomb sexily strolled by his cottage in the wondrous wood.  He espied her from his little window and he was smitten. Using his imagination he painted her every day.  Masterpiece after masterpiece of bare buxom body.  So gone is he that he blethers continually. Poor Woody!

Who was she? That's another tantalising tall tale.

Would he like to meet her -  Eeeh Woody Eckerslyke!!!!!!!!!!!!

(You can meet his brothers in earlier  posts - Diddy and Willie look under the label 'friends of mine')

DIDDY ECKERSLYKE

Let me introduce you to another friend of mine - it's Willie Eckerslyke's small brother. Willie is 6ft 4inches high and Diddy is 5 ft exactly, so he is low down!  He is the best car mechanic for miles around.  He saves the lives of cars gotten t'thend of their lives, poor things!   He relentlessly pursues answers to problems beyond most mechanics patience, capability or knowledge. He's a reet grand chap, hard working, not like 'is brother who people say - will he work, will he eck as like! (Lancashire speak)

Diddy  is frequently heard saying "It'll last yer another 10 years".  Appen it's to the chagrin of folk who long for an excuse to get therselves a new set of wheels.

(Diddy is based on a real person, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent).

I have been resizing less pixels to save space on the blog but am now getting blurring at 300 must try a bigger picture

(Willie Eckerslyke post 1.12.12)

SHUFFLEBOTTOM SISTERS

Well they are now wed and called Carol Clitheroe and Lindsey Lancashire. They used to fight like cat and dog but now share many memories of days gone by - Chorley Market traders shouting "not £6, not £5, not £3 but £l. 15s 11d". Dancing in the Tower Ballroom in Blackpool and buying 'Billy's Weekly Liar' on the Prom, then watching their Dad eating Whelks Yuk and their Mum shrimps, and returning home to the best trifle in the world ever, made by their Mum.  Christmas Day Dad calling down Nitty Whiskers has been and then making bacon butties piping hottio (for years thought to be bacon butties by Pinnochio).

You will see the posh pretty sister Lindsey reading Health and Beauty Tips and sipping coffee and Carol eating and painting chocolate and drinking lager.

Who am I talking about really, my family and me ofcourse!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which one is me?

QUEENIE O'CONNOR

Queenie from Liverpool, has decided to diet, but not today! She'll start termorrer, then Monday, then next Monday and so on (know the feeling?).  She's gorra (bought)  few basics from the supermarket.  She's going to have a jam butty (sandwich) then this savvy (this afternoon)  she's going down the Pool (into Liverpool)  to meet the girls.  They're going to the Beatles Story at the Albert Dock, then taking the Ferry Cross the Mersey - just there and back for a lorra laughs (just for fun).

Termorrow, Queenie's going to wear her bezzies (best clothes) cos she's meeting a leccy (electrician) who's treating her to a meal of scouse (local delicacy - meat ragout) at the Hard Days Night Hotel in the town centre (Yes there is such a place and it's posh). Oh, and cos it's a special occasion, she will be taking her rollers out!

ANNIE ARKWRIGHT'S BASQUE

Gosh seems ages since my last post.  I have been trying to set up a facebook page.  What a nightmare I have found it! Still battling away..............

Annie Arkwright got her gift from Santa, this lovely basque as yer can see.  It's were all because of reading that there book, it were called 'Fifty Shades of Grey. She bought some control pants from M&S on t'High Street ('which' best buy) and some sexy black wellies to match, from Oxfam  down Accrington Lane,  and some hair decorations from t' pound shop on Wigan Road. Dunt she look a belter!

 

 

She's had her first date, Sidney Smithson-Smith from Thirkettle, age 55 who liked buxom, older women.  His interests are clog dancing and whippets.

 

Suitably clad, Annie nervously opened the door to this reet posh  'hyphened'  bloke.  Whereupon he said 'aye up' had a panic attack, turned round, ran as fast as he could, and was ne'er seen again.

 

(See post 4 December to see Annie before she'd read Fifty Shades of Grey)

 



SANTA & CAROL

"Bet you've forgotten my pressie again this year Dad!"

 

 

 

Ho, ho, ho - No, my daughter!  In the past I have given you the gift of being called Carol, so that people sing your songs every year, also in the past I gave you the gift of tenderness when I presented  you with Rudolph a baby rheindeer, and you have trained him well, he adores you.  This year I have given you the gift of generosity, to personally send to adults presents they so badly need.  Like Fag Ash Lil who needs nicotine patches to help her stop smoking.  Del & Dan who need new white niblicks to improve their golf.  Willie Eckerslike who needs another tv so that he can watch two sports at the same time, and Annie Arkwright, bless her, who needs a red and black basque for who knows what!  So now what do you say my precious daughter?

 

"///**!!!!!~~~xxxxx"  Translated - I wonder what excuse you'll come up with next year!!!

 

I have changed the ending of this tale to protect Carol Christmas's squeaky clean reputation.

 

The characters above are from previous posts (Meet my friends).

 

Remember - yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift that is why we call it the present.

 

Seasons greetings to you.

 



MEET THE BROTHERS-IN-LAW (Niblicks at dawn)

DEL & DAN are reet gradely owd golfers of the worst kind, forsaking the lovely Shufflebottom sisters for a lil ole white ball.  Del (in the ecky thump hat) were a professional footballer and earned £4. 11s 6d a week in the year dot, and Dan's claim ter fame when ee were a tennis player, were a win over Stan Smith.  They both still think they are at t'top of their game, silly twerps.

Last week they invited a Chinese businessman to play a round of golf with them.  The man had never played afore.  Upon his return to China, his family asked him what he had done in England.  The man replied "Played most interesting game.  Hit little white ball with long stick in large field, and name of honourable game is 'Oh Sh*t'."

Next person to meet wears a Red Suit - can you guess who?

MEET ANNIE ARKWRIGHT

Annie was a gentle, quiet, kind, motherly type of figure, who everyone called Auntie Annie.  She was a good artist, in particular painting weird and wonderful abstracts, she baked lovely cakes for special occasions, like weddings, special anniversaries and for Christmas. A right clever devil really. Until, one day she picked up a book by accident off the shelf in Tesco.  She thought it was an instructional art book about colour mixing. She really needed help with your greys.

Annie here is reading Fifty Shades of Grey!   She has now decided to grow old disgracefully.  She's going to ditch the yellowed bloomers and thermal vest and buy a black and red basque from Evans, and has joined a northern dating agency on t'internet, who claim "We'll get yer a bloke lass". I say, Go Girl!!!

MEET WILLIE ECKERSLIKE

Meet my friend Willie Eckerslike.  He used to be a right raver.  He was an ace footballer with lovely big thighs (OOooh) and a good head of hair to wow the chicks. Willie were a reet cracker!

Now his daily excercise is pressing the buttons on the little black box for t'telly, it fer wears him out.  He watches so much tv that his eyes are the shapes of screens.  "Gerrus a cuppa chuck" he sometimes shouts to his wife. He's a happy man with Sky tv for sport and scones in the afternoon, and the sport pages to read when th'adverts are on. What more could a man want.

This is based on a true story only the name has been changed to protect the innocent!

FRIENDS OF MINE

We recently spent a couple of days in Grasmere. The first day was a glorious autumn day and the reflections in the lake were wonderful. After that the normal pouring rain. We treated ourselves and stayed in a newly renovated and extended hotel called The Daffodil (used to be the Prince of Wales much better name) It is now modern but sparsely decorated except for the brilliant caricatures down the corridors, which inspired me to have a go at doing some.  I found it harder than I expected even though I used Sue Macartney-Snape's pictures (those down said corridors) as my inspiration.

Now let me introduce you to some friends of mine, for today here is Fag Ash Lil (in the style of Sue's pics)

Fag Ash Lil is from Nuggleton by the Sea.  She badly wants to be a WAG and marry a rich footballer.  Her role model is Victoria Beckham.  So she cut her lovely long hair, bought a really smart dress and accessories and thought she looked ever so posh (but they were infact from Primark). She tried to behave dead posh too, but then gave herself away by saying "eeh eck" and "eeh by gum" cos she were from up north, tha knows.