SENIOR CITIZENS SEDENTARY OLYMPICS

PENTUPATHALON

DERRICK DALEY THOMPSON GB pented up a path along a lane in 6 mins 2 seconds, up a path to Grasmere in 5 seconds and threw up every  few yards.  He was stripped of his Gold Medal for drug taking.  Betablockers were found to be in his blood.  They have been banned in this event so that contestants can be very pent up!  Silver medal position holder, Russian, N Ervous, has been awarded the gold.

FINAL EVENT

LONG DISTANCE WALK

Unfavourite, beer swilling Aussie, Bruce Gday, was not expected to win this event.  Bruce's intensive untraining did not include the gym, the pool or the athletics track.  His local publican allowed him to exercise his chuckle muscles at irregular intervals.  Bruce said "Training is not going well.  I can only do my worst" Well he won the gold medal, much to his surprise, as all the other contestants took a wrong turning and have not been seen yet.  Bruce celebrated by drinking a tinnie or three.

There is expected to be a massive audience tomorrow at the Closing Ceremony.